Note: I just got a new keyboard. To learn it well, I want to spend good time at it just typing for as long as I can. So I’ll try and write some longer blog posts where what comes out is basically a stream of consciousness. This is one of those, so it might not flow, wrap up well, or even make any sense. Thanks for reading anyway.

Right now I’m definitely a tomorrow person. I’ve written before about being a world class procrastinator and getting stuck in long, deep mental ruts. I’m in one just now, and it manifests as “ah, I’ll do that tomorrow”. The list of things to do tomorrow would now take 20 tomorrows just to make some headway and clear a few of the decks.

And it’s not just the length of the list, but the type of things on it. Things I need to tackle at some point, that I can’t just ignore or let go forever, but that I keep pushing down the road like a wonky wheelbarrow full of stuff. Sometimes I’ll stop and look at the stuff in the wheelbarrow and wonder why it’s still in there, before picking it up by its handles and wheeling it awkwardly onwards, catching the small ruts in the road.

I’ve got a whiteboard at home. I can see it right now, just to my right, behind my 2nd monitor (I’m stood up, so the desk up at this height obscures it a bit). On it are the things I really think I have to get done ASAP, mostly for my small business. I want that business to be successful, so I have a second income and something to fall back on as an option, should life take me that way. There’s a whiteboard in my head for everything else.

That whiteboard is for the life stuff. Things I want to achieve, or change about myself, in order to live a happier, healthier life. Big things. Things that will take more willpower and drive than I’ve ever displayed in my life to date, that if I don’t do soon will become increasingly hard, or even impossible, to do later in life. The human body ages after all.

But for whatever reason, whether it’s a task on my business whiteboard that could just get done if I removed all of my current distractions — like writing this blog post and typing on this new keyboard — and just put my head down and worked, to something on my life’s whiteboard that lives in my head, that’s one of the most difficult and challenging things I’ll probably ever do before I die, I always think, “well, I’ll start that tomorrow, no point starting it now”.

There’s a mental block that makes me think I’ve still got time. Maybe there isn’t such a rush. I’m a smart guy, eventually I’ll figure it out. And I’m sure that’ll take me through quite a lot of it, but there’s definitely a risk that I’ll leave a lot on the table if I can’t figure out how to get out of this rut.

Maybe a bit of self shaming will help. If I write it down here, for anyone to stumble across and read, maybe it’ll become something I’ll try and achieve. Maybe not, though. Maybe I can write that list down for you tomorrow.

Reader’s note: I stopped here and stared at the screen, wondering whether to open the kimono so to speak, for what felt like eternity. I got really upset that I couldn’t just keep typing. A grown man, crying while standing up at a desk, writing to nobody in particular but himself, unable to decide whether to keep typing and then analysing what was so wrong to make that the case. But fuck it, what do I have to lose?

Lose weight (down to 90kg) and get some basic fitness: I’m fat and sedentary for a living and for fun, and if I don’t do something about that before I have kids, I won’t be able to play with them as much as I should. Finally ship an iOS app: I’ve paid for the developer program since it became available, not just so I can mess around with betas, but to write apps and make some money. 6 years, now, I think. Maybe 7. I’ve been working on software for my small business now for almost a year: it’s basically releasable and will be ready to go after one more cycle of dev and testing, but I’ve put it off for months. Become vegetarian: I was, recently, but for just 6 days before my willpower gave in. It’s for ethical and moral reasons, rather than anything else. I could combine it with losing weight, but I don’t have the willpower and I’m forever starting again tomorrow.

This keyboard is really nice by the way. Must add “learn OS X’s emacs-like text navigation shortcuts for it” to the list. I’ll start that tomorrow.